you wouldn't know

but
these days...
i chop onions real well
these days...
i work till twelve
these days...
i live with stranger
these days...
i sit by the fire

you wouldn't know
but
these days...
got nothing to do with you

dumpster life

picking up the leftover of today's society - not a metaphor, just literally.
I live in a house where we dont have heat but a fireplace where we burn wood pallets that we find thrown away around town.
We went and got pallets today by the Art Supply Store dumpster.
Then on the walk back we visited the Trader Joe's dumpster and got a month worth of pasta, yogurt, cream cheese, a bouquet of flowers all still good and long before due date.
What jokes.
Perfectly good things are being thrown into the trash everywhere, everyday.  I originally entertained the idea of dumpster dive because of the idea of free food.  But then it really made more sense now that I have come to realized that we are helping our society to waste less things.  Not that we're making crazy big steps toward ending ridiculous food waste problem but we are helping by not buying which gives company less reason to make more food and more waste.  We are also helping to reduce the amount of food waste by actually eating it and feeding other people.
.....

i dont really want to right now but topic for another discussion - the spoiled brats that we have become as a product of the modern society where surplus of products are thrown away and not used to their full potential.

the night ong noi called

my granddad called me on the phone tonight.
It was strange.
He sounded so happy to hear from me and wanted to know if I want him to send a thousand dollar to help with my financial situation.
He also wanted me to come home for vietnamese new year to see them.
He said he love me and miss me much.
Then he said that they- my grandparents - are getting weak that they have to visit the hospital every month.

It was sad.
I want to go home and see them.
I almost wanted to cry to hear him so worried about not seeing me and so happy that he had heard my voice on the phone at the same time.
I love them and miss them a lot too.
I trembled at the thought of not seeing them again.

It was conflicting.
I want to go home to see them and spend time with them before too late.
I don't want to go home to see my dad and having to spend time being my dad's son.
I hate that they love me and care about me because I am their son and grandson and not because they really know who I am and how I think and what I believe in.
I love that they love and care for me unconditionally because I am their son and their grandson.

But I think I might have realized something.
I have been too selfish to wanting my own identity as a person - american term "you"
and
not wanting to play my role in the society, particularly in my family "the son", "the grandson" - vietnamese.

They love me and it is cruel of me to not realize and appreciate their wants and need.  They just want to know and spend time with their "grandson" - maybe the title doesn't really say much about who I am as a person but it says a lot about our relationship and our blood relation.  I have created and been responsible for enough things and people to be able to imagine the love one has to something else that one is related to or dedicated to.  A person's life time is a long time and I'm sure my grandparents have been through a lot.  They are on their way back into the earth and what does one think about toward the end of one's life? their life! and maybe what they have learned, experienced, achieved and created.  And with the Vietnamese patriarchic culture where the male carries the family name and with that the family blood line and honor, "chau dich ton" or the son of the only son has a lot of meaning to someone like my grandparents.  I've been calling this bullshit and have been trying to ignore the fact.  But no matter how I feel toward it, I am still the "chau dich ton" to my grandparents, and I have started to realized how important and sentimental this is for them.  I have only been thinking about myself and how I feel about the situation.
I should go to hell, if there is one.

waiting

i'm always waiting
for things to happen
so i can re-act

hello 3AM

We meet again
First it was novel and excitin.
But I know soon enough you're just going to be another thing that I need to get rid of.

I got emotions,
by the truck load
and they all come out when you're around.

I have need,
but it seems
that all that happens at 3 is unreasonable wants

you're not helpful,
I dont even want you around,
yet we're here again.

need and want

Today-
I had multiple conversations about
 + the business of earning money - how do people do it
                                                     -what they go through to make money
 + life goals - why making all these money?
                    - what would you do if you have a whole lot of money

 + family - brother, sisters, children, parents, grandparents, romantic partners,
               - do you live for them?
               - What type of relationships you have with them and
               - how they influence you.


I thought about:
 + love and lust - what does love really mean and please stop throwing the word around
 + want and need - along the same line
                            - do you really know what is your "need" and what is your "want"?
                            - What do you "need" it for? are you sure it is a need, because most of the time it is just "want".
                            -Would you ever know what is it that you need?


I found talking to friends and staring at the fire are my ways of processing thoughts but unfortunately not much physical evidence comes out of such enjoyable activities.

And then re-writing my conversations/thoughts become a chore as my intention then becomes "recording" things that already happen and not - producing and processing things as they come.

I wish I could record and share all my wandering thoughts with you but ..... i guess that would be too good to be true.

















fire place is a great place to think

so today's experience

involved me busting my face on the asphalt while taking too sharp of a turn on my bike.

face study - 2008?

the young - fearless and invincible Linh Tran almost lost faith in himself.
a group of people surrounded me and tried to help,
while some older lady gave me some clean tissue to stop the bleeding
another lady advised me to go to the er to get stitched and to put a positive spin on it she said:
"girls love scar'
I was like.... "sweet..."
haha

bristol mountain emergency room - Geneva NY, 2007

but no.  the er?  do you know how much i'm gonna be set back going to the er?

young Linh doesn't have that kind of luxury, come on. we're not in college anymore, u break it, you pay for it.

it is true sometimes you dont realize what you have until you loose it.
what a strange concept.
but again, it makes so much sense because positive is only defined by the negative.
you recognize the line between yes/no,black/white,positive/negative that outline these zones only when you crosses from one to another.

I no longer have health insurance - this doesn't mean much when you're all good and healthy,
but when shit happens..... shit happens.

also realized that my jobs require a lot more than dignity and hardwork

they require glasses - came to depend on it so much it might as well be an extension of myself.  You can't be a good server without being able to make eye contact w/ the customers or seeing if their water is empty.

they take... hands - magical things - hands do everything for you,
they clothe you, they feed you, they wash you, they make you the freaking money. - my hands wash dishes for a living

Hand study - 2009

they also prefer prettier hands - hands that serve food need to have their nails trim and preferably without random open wounds or some other crazy shit

We are the Occupy Wall Street Generation.

hah.... sweeet,

someone posted on FB this article

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-we-ruined-occupy-wall-street-generation/

basically talks about how "fucked" the Occupy Wall Street generation is for having it so "easy" growing up.


I know it seems like I am just stealing other people's work but I promise IAM working on my own materials and will get it up here as soon as I can make up my mind about things.  Thank you for following.

jackpot!

hahahha,

There is a funny story of how I found this but I would just butcher the story so here's the straight facts:

I was stumbling in stumble upon for "online games".
AND
Stumbled upon this:

kinda along the line of what i was saying in "intake and outcome", but with a bit more structure and yes, clarity? haha

you know how...

sometimes that song comes on and BAM! it hits you like a brick with a certain feeling of the past? 
AND
sometimes it hits so hard you think you could almost see yourself inside a space and almost smell it?
THEN
sometimes when it hits right, you could feel yourself paralyzed and relax at the same time for a second?

Summer room in Stucco House, Geneva, NY 2009

I've been trying to make a list of those songs for some reason i'm not really sure about, but it would be a pretty cool collection of experience recorded in songs.


today i found Mother Mother - Wrecking Ball to be one of them.
400 studio, Spring, 3rd floor Houghton, landscape architecture, Ben, Fran, J., roller...

Attention readers/viewers of the circus - a letter of apology

to dear readers of this blog.

This is a sincere apology of mine for having invited you to this dark dungeon.  The circus is entering a stupidly emotional time but as I try to commit to documenting the experience, my thoughts will be recorded.  I would recommend you to not reading the posts as much as just looking at the pretty pictures.

abstract water color 2009

I would rather refer to you as viewer of my blogs for words that come out of these pages would only stain and cloud the living happiness of your days.  I like writing about things but they're only pretty, delightful things for only 20% of the time...

one of these days, this blog is going to be about all the nice and beautiful things in the world

one day.

I will stop talking to myself.

I will have some self control.

I will go outside and do things.

I will plan things.

I will stop blaming the world.

I will breath and exercise.

I will go to bed early and wake up before noon.

I will forget about myself for a minute.

I will care about others around me.

I will take chances with free will.

me me me me my my my

If you know me you would probably know by now that talking about myself is one of my favorite activity.

 These are in fact chronological 

I think this might prove a point or two about my self-control post earlier.

It's not my fault I have excellent bone structure...jokes

there are endless drawings/painting of me and you know why? cause i'm that awesome.

I mean who else is really worth talking about besides linh.  Were we talking about the weather a min ago? Oh i'm sorry we're talking about me now... me me me me me mah me me.  And of course that's why I made this blog, so you all can listen to me talk about myself some more. My blah blah is now officially published on the interweb, woops.  I am pretty much writing a book about myself here in case you haven't noticed.

the transparent self
Sad thing (is it?) is that i've recently started reading this book and the first chapter or so talks about self-disclosure and how some people don't get to know themselves until they disclose themselves to other people. The book is called  The Transparent Self.  We found it in a dumpster outside "Half-priced Books".

So yes, I use this blog to replace friends and I've used a lot of my friends to replace my therapist.  I hope this doesn't offend you as much as it might sound.  And just for the sake of recognizing my pattern of thinking - I have to admit I do consider blogging as a product of the new society - a way to cope with the   lack of face-to-face interaction, long distance friends and such.

..
.
.

limitation
or
the condition of not being entertained

"the dark days are upon us"

"no it's just you, you just like to complain a lot"
"no it's not me, it's just these dark fucking skies, these gray concretes and these weather talking people, they just suck the life out of me sometimes."
"no, it's you, you're bringing everything down with your goddamn negativity and your resentment of everything good."
"how could it be my fault that everything around me are terrible and depressing to the max?"
"because you've completely given up on doing anything and now just waiting for the world the change"

hi Meghann

I have a self-control problem.

it's funny because this really is just another result of my own doing.
I wanted this.
I thought I had a control problem, so I tried to let loose,
I give the higher authority to my feelings and emotions and instinct in the search for a more true me.
....

intake and outcome

is there some kind of line between
+listening to great music & playing music
+looking at great art & drawing
+eating great food & cooking
+watching a soccer game & playing soccer
+reading a great book  & writing

is it something about absorbing, perceiving and processing as opposed to doing, creating and problem solving?

one poses no consequences toward the lack of action while the other requires some kind of involvement to keep the ball rolling

is it simply the diference between passive and active participation?

The modern world has developed to be extremely "efficient" and one of the ways that allows its city-like-efficiency is the specialization of tasks and roles in society.  Each person does their job and other people around him/her will take care of the rest.  Money being the currency for trade between goods & services.  Essentially one does not have to know much outside of their jobs to survive in the modern world?

this came to me while watching a commercial for a children's toy  - a battery run toy truck that will  supposedly entertain your child for hours.  It is so smart it will play tag with your child while you're off doing something else.

Having grown up without toys like such, I had to wonder: so this kid really doesn't have to go find things to do to entertain himself.  Someone is already paid to entertain him all day.  There is a whole industry of shit like this out there - TV channels for kids, gaming systems, highly developed toys that would keep kids entertain for hours.   Is this bad? well, i'm not sure, it definitely has the vibe at first, but really, one has to be careful with the value-based judgmental term such as "bad" or "good".  What is good and what is bad for kids?  I think it has something to do with the above-mentioned concept of active and passive participation.

I have been stuck on the computer/internet for hours every day for the past week, spending time on social networks, image blogs, news, games, movies, shows, music, and any sites that will provide me easy entertainment. Is it just too easy to do or do I have no self-control whatsoever?

In the city like environment of the modern world, where communication across large group of people is transparent, things that are being done get done really well.  This is because they are thought out, executed, used, criticized and improved by soooooo many people, they get worked and reworked and developed and mastered.
Big pond = big fucking fish

What i'm trying to say is that people get really good at making products and delivering services that promise to entertain and "benefit" you without you having to exert much efforts into participation.
Have you noticed how good people are at making TV commercials these days? or shows, music, movies, electronic products, fashion trends? (I dont know about you but I am guilty of having recently acquired "skinnier" pants and a mac)

They're so good at it most people don't even realize how good they are.  You are just entertained and there's nothing bad about it. You're just happy and content to keep watching/listening/playing/reading/looking.  The best thing about it could almost be the fact that you don't have to do jack shit to gain "something" out of it.  I often tell myself that I'm educating myself about the subject.  And that's exactly what I'm getting, what we're all getting - EDUCATED - with the modern culture, values and methods - by the modern media & products of the modern designers.

So say at this point we have two characters:
- the Maker (designer) - active - person that make stuff (toys, movie, show, music, game, images..)
&
- the Participant (designee) - passive - person that the stuff is made for (children, students, men, women, the elderly..)

We play both roles at different points in our daily life, but how much on one and not the other?  What happen if we go to the extremes and spend 100% on one and none on the other? Is that even possible?  How does this ratio further influence how you are as a maker or participant?

My instinct tells me that neither extremes are good, because extremes are never good.  In fact, they're quite unpopular among the majority of the population.  I'm not trying to be punny but that could almost be the definition of extreme.
-also: (are extremes ever good? a favorite topic of mine - only to be discussed on a sunny day, or at least before 9PM)

So yes, argument on extreme maker might go something like this - wouldn't it make sense that if you just make chairs all the time but never actually sit down in them then how do you know if your chairs are any good?
- that was easy.... but i can't say the same for the extreme participant.


How is it bad if I only use or passively participate in these products or services and not make or create any?


Please feel free to project your opinion...
(I'm working on my own answer and I will share with you as soon as i can sort it out in my head, but i have the feeling it has something to do with Siddhartha (Hermann Hesse)

I am slave to this
ffffound.com

also to this

As a result of looking at many of these:

...I make these:

me = slave of the modern world (?)

Correction: The beautiful original pictures are taken by the talented ms. Jenny M., I only did some minor  manipulation on photoshop. Thank you Jenny.

video experiments!

thanks to
"Time in Art" with Christine Chin

I now enjoy making these short videos


+ sleepless in Geneva

+ Please have a seat!

+ Geneva, NY - now a place to not be taken for granted

+ Turn UP your volume, then turn down once you finish.

Homemade, asianmade, poorcollegestudentmade, IDEA Lee

Lee, DJ babybokchoy or my long lost unrelated asian cousin started a blog about her crazy recycled wall art and it is about time.
IDEA Lee: Turtle Time: Recycled Pizza Box Turned Sea Turtle ...:

Boy I would love to drink my hot toddy while lounging next to the pizza-box-made-sea-turtle, 6ft-national-geographic whale, fruit-pooping jelly fish, pie-eating shark and, tazo-tea&bottle-caps-elephant. Wait I already did, all senior year. haha, good times.

http://idea-lee-made.blogspot.com/

experiment on documentation of the experience

...tructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you construct the experience constructs you con...

Jenny asked me to edit a photo I like from the a batch she took of Seneca.  Apparently Jenny flies?

+ hue adjustment

+ color filter?

+ gradient with some kind of overlap mode

+ level

I might have been looking at a lot of instagrams?